Porn is love you can see.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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