Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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