she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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