Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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