I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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