the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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