Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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