I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize