he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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