Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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