I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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