She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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