We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize