Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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