so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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