he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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