I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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