I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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