The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize