then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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