She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize