I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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