Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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