good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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