you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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