Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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