I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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