***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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