She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
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We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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