Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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