onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize