Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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