Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize