Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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