Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize