He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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