I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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