I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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