My friends, they love my intelligence
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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