I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize