he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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