they need to just BURY HIM!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize