i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize