Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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