Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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