def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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