lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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