My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize