I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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