So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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